I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
Randomize
