I can text with my tongue
I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
Do you ever go through someone elses pictures and just appreciate the fact that youre not really friends with them?
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
did you just send me my own nude
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
Randomize
