I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
He fucked volume into my hair. It was amazing.
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
its one thing to be single and another thing to be single and then have your profile picture be of you and the cat
your picture is with misty too!!
I AM SINGLE BY CHOICE
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
we could do so many fantastic illegal things together. sexually and otherwise.
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
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