yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
the line runs infront of fredricks of hollywood. it's like gamestop is showing me how pathetic I am.
i finally watched harry potter... a tad unrealistic if you ask me... i mean a ginger kid with 2 friends?
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
Randomize
