so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
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Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
That accounts for only three of the penises
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
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did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
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