she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
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She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
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Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
the next morning we realized we didnt speak the same language... guess i subconsciously did learn a little german last semester. thanks study abroad.
ah the experiences a semester in Vienna can give you. Frau would enjoy knowing that even while sleeping during class you still managed to learn enough german to get laid
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
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