just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
Well let's just say that she ended up trying to get it in with the wheelchair guy, who btw, can get an erection and quickly I might add
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
is it wrong to hook up with someone at a memorial drum circle
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
Randomize
