we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
so we'll all just be running around naked, basically. and high.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
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