She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
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