She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
Randomize
