DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
just got off the metro to throw up and got back on like it ain't no thang
really making moves this morning i see
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
Randomize
