We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
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Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
the night ended with taco bell and tears
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?
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So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
FUCK WHALES
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
I am not even ashamed to say it, I got laid in the stairwell of the hotel, by a 29 year old. It was awesome!
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
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