Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
23 People Reveal The Worst Culture Shock They’ve Ever Experienced While Traveling
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
there isn't one for "I'll give you an I'm sorry blowjob" but that's also an option you have. in the meantime here is an emoticon of a caterpillar
27 People Confess Their Proudest Fap
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later