You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
I broke down outside of an all boys correctional facility
well if that's not a gay porn waiting to happen, i dont know what is...
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.