Dude i dont know how people can complain that waterboarding is such a bad thing. I just sat through a fucking puddle of mudd show. Now thats torture
seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
21 Ladies Confess The Grossest Things They Do When No One’s Around
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
23 Tweets I Thought Were Really Funny When I Was Drunk Yesterday
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
Woke up in a car, do you own a silver car parked a few miles form the house...hope so