I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
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My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
Also, I've sobered up around 5am, in Delaware. I remember making this decision, and highly regret it now.
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
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hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
he just fucked me for my cheese..
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning