Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
We're knee deep in HJ's right now.
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
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