areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
it went ok. then he slept in a parking lot and took me out for a picnic the next day. boys are confusing.
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
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