hell yes lets make some ravioli
her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
I think we should see other people.
Already working on it.
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It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
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