I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
You've got more to offer than just money. Come on. You have an awesome rack.
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
Someday. I cant very well invite myself to his dorm room. And I'm 28. The excuses to be drunk and running into him at uconn are rather slim. Although I'm working on it.
I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.
Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
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