he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
Randomize
