So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
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