I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Same here... Well I was planning on having some sort of deep conversation, but looking at how grim of an outlook tomorrow has on you, I'll just re-inform you that I have your pants.
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
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Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Have you considered sword swallowing? Something about that bj tells me you could make a it a career.
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
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