I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
got some info she was last seen with some guy wearing goggles
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