I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
Someday, but I will be heavily drugged and there will be no dolphins.
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
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