Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
Sex and compliments. The way to my heart
Randomize
