Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
I went 670% over budget on my vacation. My accountant would flip if he weren't me.
How the fuck do you have so much free time?
Polyphasic sleep schedule.
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
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