i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
He had an extremely smooth butt for a man with such rough hands.
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
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