This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
10+ Incredible Tumblr Stories That Will Leave You Shook
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
16 People Who Have Raised The Bar For Petty Revenge
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.