and you said cock pushups were impossible
you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
Randomize
