I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
HE HAS CHALLENGED MY BADNESS. I MUST CONQUER ALL THAT QUESTIONS MY POWER. BRING FORTH THE TIT PICS.
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
you've already made the comitment to pee in public you should at least whip your dick out
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
Randomize
