Leaving terminator. dude in front of us leaving was wearing a baggy micael vick jersey, cargo shorts and brown crocs. God I hate people.
We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
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As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
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