I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
Randomize