You hook up with other guys, let him talk to other girls.
no
Shaq going to Cleveland; Vince Carter to the Magic; Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon die.... ARMAGEDDON IS UPON US!!!!!
They should really pass out barf bags in church
True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
I'm not trying to take your husband away from you, but can we have another 3way soon? I'm just desperate for good dick.
Randomize
