Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
so much tequila, so little girl.
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
Randomize
