you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
I would ride that face into the sunset
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
Randomize
