I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
I was so high i started crying when i saw how much puppychow was there.
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
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Let's paint friendship bongs
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
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Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
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