i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
just got off the metro to throw up and got back on like it ain't no thang
really making moves this morning i see
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
Randomize
