C thinks vomiting on the batroom floor = reaon not to party. Lies. Party continues.
While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
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You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
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