No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
I have no idea. But that is beside the point bc in vegas I'm a pro vball player from Ireland and a veterinarian on the weekends
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
dude, shes trippin so bad. idk what shes on, she just told me she doesnt remember her name then proceeded to get in the shower clothed to try to "rinse off the high"
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
Randomize
