They keep asking what you are doing. I told them to quit calling her "what."
Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
after last halloween when i met that 26yr old guy from russia who was hot until we madeout and he became obsessed with touching my forehead after the ecstasy he did and then tried to sell me pills from an m&m mini container, i think im staying away from parties downtown
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
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