You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
It's like a party bus, but there's a glass, airtight wall separating the driver from the passengers, and once everyone's on, they pump vaporized THC into the cabin.
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
I wish you could take over my body and feel what my nipple feels like right now
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
Randomize
