Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
Well, as a member of the greater american southwest gay community I just have to mark this as a total loss and you will be missed.
Would be fun, plus since its in public I'll keep my penis in my pants
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
Randomize
