I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
all adderall does is make me the grand champion of using wikipedia.
if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
I just need to know if he's either really genuine about being in my life or being in my vagina.
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
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