eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
nyquil sex gave me 6 orgasms so I support that
23 Strangest Things That Gave Dudes A Boner
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
These 21 People Shouldn’t Be Giving Dating Advice
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
Brb crying the tears of my youth
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".