Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here?
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.