I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
We just made watching Intervention into a drinking game. We drink everytime someone does drungs.
Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
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