This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
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