You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
With such a small dick you'd think he'd try to make up for it with some sort of personality.
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
Randomize
