I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
I'd give my left nut to see you
don't do that. I like the set
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
He's in the same dorm as me. We are sharing a laundry room, gym, and cafeteria. I'VE ALREADY COMMITTED DORMCEST AND MOVE-IN DAY ISN'T UNTILL NEXT WEEK!!!!
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something