Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
shes a 6ft ginger. she brings nothing to the table except for awkwardness
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
Randomize
