I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
you wouldnt answer to anything but devil's advocate all night.
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
In the mean time, I'll continue to kick ass at running and become a successful stripper while he might hook up with one average looking girl he met at a club. I so win.
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
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