I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
Randomize
