By the way the awkward moment from yesterday is now a bad situation I have to figure out.
Thank you Grey Goose.
I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
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